Trying
by emmer23
Summary: Post-9x24 fic. What happens when the storm ends and the sunshine breaks through the clouds?


**Title: **Trying

**Rating: **PG

**Summary:** Post 9x24 snapshot. What happens when the storm clears?

**A/N:** Here's my reaction fic to the finale. It _might_ become a short multi-parter, but I know very little about psychology, so I'm not sure how believable it would all be.

**A/N 2:** For those of you following Crossing Borderlines, I swear I haven't abandoned it. I really want to finish it, but I really need to pass my bar exam. Point is, it could be months from now, but you will see another chapter this year. :-P

**Trying**

"Why are you here, Dr. Robbins?"

"Because my wife told me I had to come."

"And do you always do what your wife tells you to do?"

"When she's threatening me with divorce, yes."

Dr. Lipton nodded and pursed her lips, a soft humming sound escaping through them. He kept his thoughts about how healthy a marriage could be when divorce is threatened to himself.

Arizona hated therapists. _Hated._ She had done her obligatory psych routine during medical school, but she still thought the whole thing was bullshit. She understood mental disorders and that they were diseases in need of medication just like cancer or diabetes; but what she refused to acknowledge was the power of communicating to a stranger her innermost thoughts and darkest urges. Callie, on the other hand, was absolutely fine telling strangers every little thing she was thinking, so she saw no reason why Arizona could not do the same twice a week with a professional.

What Arizona hated even more than therapists, however, was completely awkward silence.

"You don't want to know why she's making me come?"

"No," Dr. Lipton responded, indifferent.

"Well, for starters, I have one leg," Arizona said anyway.

"From the plane crash last year, I know. It was all over the news. It's miraculous any of you survived," Lipton said.

"Ha. Miraculous," Arizona laughed. There was _nothing_ miraculous about it.

"But that's not why you're here. It's not why your wife made you come. If it was, she would have made you come the day after your leg was cut off."

Arizona, still hating the silence, said nothing.

"Let me ask you a different question. What happened last week, during the storm?"

"How do you know about that?"

"You and I both know how the rumor mill in this hospital works. But what I know is only hearsay. I'd like to know what actually happened." Arizona opened her mouth to speak, her brow furrowed in discontent. "The difference is that what you tell me is covered by patient-client confidentiality. Your so-called secrets are safe with me."

Arizona folded her arms across her chest and glanced to the window. She could see that the sun was just beginning to set beyond the horizon. Callie would most likely be finished with her surgeries for the day and would be picking up Sofia to go home and have dinner. They'd have bath time together, before Callie would either read or sing Sofia to sleep. And Arizona was stuck in this stupid therapist's office. Because she'd betrayed her family.

"I cheated on my wife."

"Why?"

Arizona shrugged. "Does it matter why? I cheated. I am a cheater. She'll never look at me the same."

"It matters why," Dr. Lipton answered contritely. Arizona was getting tired of not getting any feedback from the man in front of her.

When Arizona stubbornly refused to respond, Dr. Lipton sighed. "Let me give you some choices. Are you attracted to this other woman?"

"Lauren? No," Arizona said immediately. "I mean, sure, yes, but not as much as Callie. Lauren didn't care about the leg."

"Is Callie disgusted by it?"

Arizona shook her head furiously. "No, no, she doesn't seem to care. But she's my wife, you know? She's not supposed to care."

"So let me give you another choice. Did anything in the storm trigger a feeling of being back in the woods?"

"I don't think so, no," Arizona answered after giving it a moment of thought.

"Okay, I'm going to try this a different way," Dr. Lipton said, realizing that Arizona didn't really know why she'd cheated. "Let's go back to the beginning." When Arizona grimaced, he amended, "Well, not _quite_ the beginning; we'll save _the woods_ for a later date. I want to talk about the operation."

Arizona groaned. How did he know this all would come full circle?

"Originally it looked like your leg could be saved, and then it had to be cut off and you were unable to make that decision, is that correct?"

"Yes, Callie made the decision for me." Arizona's eyes flitted to the left and she ground her teeth together to keep from displaying more emotion than she wanted to.

"But she didn't operate?"

"No, Dr. Karev did."

"Dr. Robbins, you sound much more upset about Callie's involvement than Dr. Karev's. I understand Dr. Karev is your friend. Why is that?"

Arizona laughed a hollow, haunting laugh. "I've never trusted Alex. I took his seat on the plane and while I'm still mad at myself for doing that, I've never trusted Alex to take care of me or protect me. I trusted Callie. With everything I am, I trusted her to protect me, to keep me _whole._ And she just cut it off."

Dr. Lipton nodded. "And she trusted you to be faithful. Interesting."

Arizona became more fidgety as their meeting continued. She didn't know when she'd become this vengeful person. She _wasn't_ a vengeful person. But it was like there were two different people living in her body: Arizona and one-legged Arizona. Apparently, one-legged Arizona was spiteful. And a cheater.

"That's all we have time for today," Dr. Lipton concluded. "If you ever want to bring Callie in, you are welcome to. It won't be couple's therapy," he added quickly. "Couple's therapy is for couples who have intimacy issues and other things. It will be your therapy, but it might be helpful for her to understand what's going on with you."

**o0o0o0o**

Arizona slipped through the front door as quietly as possibly. She stepped out of her shoes, before turning the knob and shutting the door with barely a sound. She knew it was past Sofia's bedtime and was hoping the little girl would be sound asleep. More than that, she hoped her wife, who had had a very long week, was also asleep so that they could avoid having a _conversation_. Any conversation they would have these days was sure to wake their daughter.

"Hey," came a soft voice from her left.

Arizona jumped slightly before relaxing. "Hey, I thought you'd be asleep."

As if on cue, Callie yawned. "I decided to wait up for you. There's a plate made up for you in the fridge. It's just spaghetti with meatballs, because that's what Sof wanted, but I can microwave it for you."

Arizona smiled sincerely and nodded gratefully. "That's, um, that's very nice of you. Thank you."

More than when Callie yelled or cried or asked why, Arizona hated when her wife was kind and sometimes even sympathetic. She didn't deserve sympathy right now, and she especially did not deserve kindness.

Callie leapt into action, opening the fridge, grabbing the plate, and lifting off the saran wrap all in one fluid motion. She quickly popped the plate in the microwave and set it for one minute. As the soft hum of the microwave filled the room, the two women fell silent. Arizona studied her hands, picking at the nails of her index fingers. Callie stared straight at her wife, her gaze unflinching. She knew it bothered her wife when she looked at her like this, when she studied her, but making her wife comfortable wasn't very high on Callie's list of priorities at the moment.

Arizona sighed with relief when the microwave beeped, signaling the end of the longest minute of her life. She watched as Callie took the plate out of the microwave and, with her other hand, grabbed their folding dinner table for the living room. She set the plate on the table and took a seat on the couch, continuing to watch unabashedly as Arizona sat down in front of the plate of spaghetti.

Unable to take the all-consuming silence any longer, Arizona cleared her throat. "So, I suppose I should tell you that you were right."

Callie remained stoic, biting back a smile. "Mmm? About what?"

"Therapy," Arizona conceded. "I don't like it," she added immediately, "but it was nice to have someone to listen to me who isn't emotionally attached."

Callie badly wanted to gloat. She wanted to grin and say 'I told you so'. But instead she simply nodded her head and pursed her lips. Gloating was for happy people in healthy marriages.

"I'm really glad to hear that, Arizona," Callie replied sincerely, before taking a sip of her water.

Arizona hummed her thanks as the two settled back into silence. Once Arizona had finished scarfing down her meal, she glanced around the room. "You haven't packed," she observed.

"I've had a really busy week," Callie shot back defensively.

Arizona smiled perceptively. "You're staying."

Callie sighed and wrung her hands, attempting to come up with a way to voice the decision she had been thinking about all week. "I don't know yet."

After the storm, they had decided – mutually – that one of them would move to a pay-by-the-month partially furnished apartment. Though neither of them actually wanted this to happen, they both thought it would probably be for the best. The temporary nature of the lease gave them both hope. Because the most readily available apartment was a one-bedroom loft, it was decided that Callie would move as the stairs would be difficult on Arizona. They had already moved over the spare crib from storage (previously used in Mark's apartment). There was no schedule put in place for when Sofia would be at either apartment; neither mother could bear the thought of having their time regulated and each one knew the other would be respectful.

"What do you mean?" Arizona asked tentatively.

"I know it's what we agreed on, but I just don't know if I should move right now. I think it just depends," Callie hedged.

"Depends on what?"

"Why you slept with her."

When Arizona's skin blanched noticeably and when she sucked in a short puff of air, Callie raised her hands in concession. "I know you don't know why yet, and I'm trying to be okay with that. I really am. I'm okay with it as long as you are trying to figure it out."

Arizona nodded readily. "I am. It's why I'm in therapy despite my hatred of it. It's why I'll stay in therapy no matter how horrible it might get."

Callie's tongue flicked out over her bottom lip as she awkwardly brushed her hands over her jean-clad legs. "Good. Well, I'll leave you to it. Goodnight," Callie murmured as she walked towards their bedroom. Callie may be staying for now, but Arizona was still relegated to the couch.

"Callie?" Arizona called after her. When Callie stopped and turned to look at her, the corners of her mouth quirked upwards into a half-smile. "Thank you. Thank you for pushing me to go to therapy. And thank you for…trusting me enough to stay until I figure this shit out." She gestured to her whole body in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Callie scoffed and shook her head, smiling ruefully. "We're not there yet, Arizona."

"I know!" Arizona conceded quickly, "but we're – I'm – trying."

"We're trying," Callie agreed.


End file.
